Fri05182012
Last update08:50:58 AM GMT
Shouldn't We Have Those Computer Screens From Minority Report By Now?
I may not be a scientist or even a tech blogger, but I do have a little common sense (guess who knows at least 6 common household items that could save you money on cleaning? This guy). Really, I can't see any viable rea...
Resurgence Of Burlesque Leads To Rise In Old-Timey Masturbation
TORONTO, ON—According to sociologists, t...
Parliament Declares That Some of Parliament's Best Friends Are Gay
OTTAWA, ON—At a hastily arranged news co...
Home Sweet Home With Ida Pegrino: Stop With That 'Holocaust' Whining – I'll Show You REAL Problems!
Oh my LORD, you all know I don't like t...
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Business
Vancouver Company To Redesign Offices After Sales Go Through The Roof
VANCOUVER, BC-- A recent upsurge in sales has left Vancouver-based company The ...
Emotional Investment Yields Meagre Dividends
BRANT, ON—A local man decided to diversify his portfolio last month by moving a ...
Accountant Plagued By Jetpack Fantasies
TORONTO, ON – According to friends and colleagues, Jeremy Tolson, an auditor for...
News
Woman Brutally Murders Husband With One-Sided, 39-Year Conversation
SURREY, BC—Janet Mason, 69, was arrested in her Morgan Heights home Thursday a...
In An Effort To Control Costs, Flaherty Budget Eliminates Federal Government
OTTAWA, ON—Finance Minister Jim Flaherty, in what some observers are calling a ...
White Man Stalks, Shoots, And Kills Black Teen In Self Defense
ORLANDO, FL—Yesterday afternoon a volunteer neighbourhood watch captain, John Ro...
Sports
Smew Hockey Today With Tim Gatreaux: This “Women’s Liberation” Crap Is Ruining Hockey
Hello Canada! Tim Gatreaux here--all except the left pinkie toe, of course, whic...
Brief Glimpse Into The Futility of Existence Ends Ultimate Fighting Career
CALGARY, AB—The ultimate fighting career of Kenny “The Baron” Baron came to an ...
Appearance of Virgin Mary In Semen-Stained Pillowcase Presents Conundrum for Vatican
VATICAN CITY—Reports from the Vatican today indicate that church leadership is ...
Culture
Audience Unable to Suspend Disbelief at Community Production of ‘South Pacific’
LETHBRIDGE, AL—During a performance of the 1949 Rogers and Hammerstein classic,...
Why The Hell Do They Call It A "Fun" Run?
Oh…oh man, I'm sorry, just give me…just a second here, so I can catch my breath...
Unhappy Couple Turns Brunch Into A High-Stakes Game of Cat And Mouse
VANCOUVER, B.C.—A bickering couple turned the meal of brunch into just one in a ...
Science and Tech
Axe Introduces New Formula Promising 150% Increase in Douchiness Levels
ROTTERDAM, NETHERLANDS--In an attempt to regain lost market share in the covete...
'Forever 21' Wardrobe Ineffective Against Slow, Inevitable Progression Of Time
WINNIPEG, MB—Steady and exclusive application of 'Forever 21' brand clothing ha...
Stream Of Consciousness At Risk Of Flooding
MONTREAL, QC—Forest service officials are today warning Montreal residents that...
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